Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
The garage is all yours.
You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Your underware is $10 for a three pack.
None of your co-workers has the power to make you cry.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can be president.
Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You get to jump up and slap stuff.
One mood, all the time.
Wedding Dress $4000; Tux rental $100.
With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's 
   population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
You don't mooch off others' desserts.
The remote is yours and yours alone.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
Another guy wearing the same outfit is treated as a new friend.
Princess Di's death was just another obituary.

--= The Hartman Web Site © , 1996 All rights reserved. =--